After I talked with Brooke on May 31st, I went to my room and called my Dad. I asked, “Am I crazy?”

During the six weeks that Brooke was off visiting Haiti, Philippines, and China I tried my best to continue on with life. Throughout this time, I kept asking the Lord to keep my heart hidden in Him, and even if Brooke and I never ended up in a relationship that I would be able to move on and continue pursuing Christ. I don’t recall specific details about this time because it was mostly a blur to me. I remember thinking, “Am I too young to be thinking about getting married?” “Is this really Your will, Lord? If so, speak to me through Your peace.” I ended up having complete peace rest in my soul during the time that Brooke was overseas doing what she was called to do – minister to the orphan and widow, and further the glorious Gospel of our King.

For a few months before this I was digging deep into the spiritual significance of how the Tabernacle symbolized the Gospel after a few talks with my mentor. It fascinated me how studying this day after day there was so much more depth than I could have ever imagined. Life in Christ is an eternal adventure into more and more of who He is. This lifetime is really only the tip of the iceberg, we will soon know Christ for eternity and be able to search and know Him for eternity. Once we get a new revelation of who He is, there’s another one that comes along that causes us to fall on our faces and cry, “Holy Holy Holy” for eternity. I was getting new revelations daily of this symbolism and wanted to share them with someone. When Brooke got back to Colorado for a few days we ended up going to a coffee shop and talking for hours about these things I had been shown and things that had come alive as I was studying this. During these times together I decided to put off my questions of how she will answer me regarding “The Talk” on May 31st. Our conversation that day was so sweet as we left even more enthralled with our King.

One year ago today I Brooke and I went for a short walk on the Poudre trail. I remember being very anxious, because I knew what would happen during this walk. I knew that Brooke was being nice to me, and trying to let me off slowly, and with a soft answer turn down my request to consider a relationship. I “knew” that was going to happen. So as we walked, I became slowly more impatient, and then finally worked up the courage to ask her, “So what do you think about our conversation before you left for Haiti?” I “knew” the answer.

Or did I?

Two years ago today, Brooke said “yes” and our courtship began. To be honest I was a little shocked, as I was fully expecting her answer to be “no”. For the rest of our walk we were on cloud nine, just overjoyed at what the Lord was going to bring to us during this season. With the costly foundation laid in Christ, and our gaze set upon Him; with much expectation we walked forward in His plan. Never before was I so sure of where God wanted me to be until that very moment. I knew that He had great things in store for us as we continued to abide in Him.

I’m not one to keep a journal (though now I wish I had during this season of life.) As Brooke and I were sitting down to write this story for you, we reminisced about the things we could remember during this time in our relationship. We smiled, laughed, and yearned to be closer to our King. He is the author of so many Love stories, and each one so unique and so special to those involved. It pleases Him for His children to be walking in the plans He has laid for them, and He glories in showering many blessings upon those who are called according to His name.

During this season of courtship, Brooke was still on tour with His Little Feet. I remember the conversations and emails we exchanged felt so few. Reading emails from this amazing woman of God only seeking me to be more like Christ in all that I do. After about a month of us courting, I realized that I had better get my act together if Brooke and I were going to be married. The thought came as a surprise to me. “Married? Josh Kinabrew?” The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was to be a reality. After considering what the best course of action would be if I were to begin to support a family, a random email popped up in my inbox. A job was offered to me in California. It was most definitely the Lord’s timing. I then decided that September 20th, 2011 was to be when I moved back to California to take this job and prepare to support a family. I remember that on the morning of September 20th it was an extremely painful goodbye knowing that I wouldn’t be able to see Brooke for quite some time. After our walk, we asked someone to take our first picture together. After the picture was a tearful goodbye, and a 2 day road trip back to California.

A couple months later, Brooke was to be in Nevada for a His Little Feet concert with all of the kiddos. I had this hair-brained idea that I would make the drive out there and surprise her with a visit. Once I told my parents about the idea, they also wanted to tag along because my brother was on the same His Little Feet team that Brooke was. We were going to surprise both Aaron and Brooke in Nevada! I remember this trip was one of the most pivotal points for me in our courtship, because we listened to a sermon on the way that spoke of the ability of God. I remember one sentence stuck with me from the sermon: “What you think you can accomplish in 7 months, God can do in 7 days.” When we attempt to come up with an estimate of how we can accomplish things, we tend to estimate high because we don’t understand how able our God is to come to our rescue in time of need.

I had never bought flowers for anyone before, so I had no idea what to look for. On the morning of surprising Brooke my family and I drove to a supermarket, and I proceeded to look for flowers. After searching the store, I came across these flowers that totally reminded me of Brooke. As I was standing at the door of the house I was to surprise Brooke in, I was a little shaky. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I wasn’t sure if I was able to stand for much longer for fear of fainting. I knocked on the door, and to my surprise a young man opened. When I said I was here for Brooke, he went in the house to go get her “so she could go to church early to help Christa out with the tables.” The door was left partially open, and as I went to go and try to shut it so Brooke wouldn’t see me outside. As I was doing that, the door opened. Brooke was completely shocked, so much so that she kind of froze for a few seconds.

“Hi Brooke!” I smiled at Brooke and handed her the flowers. She was still in shock. Then we hugged for the first time ever. I was in shock.

So many wonderful things happened during the surprise trip to Nevada. I ended up asking this beautiful girl if I could hold her hand. (She said yes!) After this trip it was even harder to say goodbye. I didn’t like the idea of having to keep saying “goodbye” when I didn’t know the next time I was to see her. During this process of being in California away from Brooke I got a new sense of how Christ is yearning for his Bride, though only in part. Come Lord Jesus, come!

There’s one essential little story I must share about while I was in California. My family visited this church who happened to have a guest speaker. To be completely honest I don’t remember what the sermon was on that day, but I felt the Lord calling my to give away what I had saved up for an engagement ring. After coming back from church I went to help my mom get groceries, and during the trip she told me she felt the same thing about me giving away my savings. This was a confirmation, so the next day I went and gave my savings away. The whole reason I thought I was in California was to put money into savings and be ready for marriage, but the Lord had different plans.

After the few months I was in California, I made a trip to Ellerslie to see Brooke while she was there after Christmas. I only realized this later on, but the reason we now live in Colorado is because during my trip I talked with my (then) future boss about an opportunity for work in Windsor, CO. I had met Matt (my then future boss) during the first semester of Ellerslie when he and his family came to visit from Australia. It was because of this that he even knew me and knew of my technical background. God has a way of working all things together for the good of those who are called according to His name!

During this transition time from my job in California to my new job in Windsor, I remember the Lord pressing me on something. “If you can’t handle your transitions right, you can’t be brought up in to the absolute full measure of the next season God brings you into.” With the Lord’s help I was able to implement that and come in to the next season of my life in a way I couldn’t have imagined.

After a point in time, I believed that it was time to become officially engaged. With the way that Brooke and I walked through our courtship, we knew from the start that we would marry, so it always felt like we were engaged. But now it was time to be officially engaged, so I started by talking to Brooke’s father about it, to ask for his blessing upon the rest of our lives. I had never done anything like this before, so I didn’t even know what to say when the time came. Little did I know, once I made the call to see when he could meet Brooke’s father already knew what the meeting was about (even though I didn’t mention it to him in the meeting.) I got lost a couple times driving down to Denver to meet him at a little restaurant. I usually never get lost, but my mind was going in a thousand different directions, which made it hard to focus on the road in front of me as I was driving. After receiving his blessing, and hearing that both Tony (Brooke’s dad) and Gail (Brooke’s mom) had been praying for someone like me to marry their daughter, I was ready to go ring shopping.

Ring shopping?

I had no idea about rings, so I took one of my good friends Judah along. Judah is married, so I figured he would be a good person to help me find a ring, also I wanted to keep the engagement a secret. A few days before July 16th, 2012 Judah and I went shopping for a ring. After more than a few different stores I decided upon a ring.

Little did I know that the day Brooke was yearning to be married and start a life together with me was the day that I had gone ring shopping. Lots of stories centered upon the blessing of a ring (which we will explain in later posts).

With the ring in hand, it was time to unfold my surprise engagement plan to Brooke’s parents.

(From Brooke’s Perspective)

 “The things that make God dear to us are not so much His great big blessings as the tiny things, because they show His amazing intimacy with us; He knows every detail of our individual lives.” –Oswald Chambers {My Utmost For HIS Highest}

I remember the journey to Haiti quite clearly. It was full of vivid thoughts and memories. Beautiful memories that I shall never forget, and yet I was in a haze as well, a dream-like haze that I was waltzing through. As I look back though my journal during this time it brings huge smiles, not only to my face but also my heart! The days I was in Haiti, my Lord richly blessed me. At night, when the day was ended, and my sweet sisters in Christ drifted off to sleep, the Lord would bring to my mind the “revelation” when Josh revealed what the Lord had been intricately working on his heart…so unexpected, so surreal, that I even asked myself on a number of occasions, “Did that really happen? Or am I just dreaming?” To reassure myself that it did indeed happen and it was as not a dream-world I was in, I would put my hand under my pillow, which is where I stashed the pile of handwritten letters. Every night, after everyone was asleep I would pull out a letter and read these letters…I shan’t share what I found in those letters, but they drew me closer to my Beloved King. They were not “love letters” according to what this world would call “love letters” they were better, they were letters pointing to LOVE, Love Himself. I couldn’t have asked for more.

 During those days while I was in Haiti, my prayer was that I would be fully there, completely given. I also had moments here and there (mostly once my head lay on my pillow) to pray to my Counselor and Abba Daddy and ponder His will in the coming days. Oh, that He would lead me in the path of HIS own choosing, that was my desire.

 June 14^th, 2011, after a heart wrenching and tear filled goodbye to the 2010-2011 HLF (His Little Feet) children that had become so very dear to my heart, I was now in Madera California. Josh’s home, of all places! Me, my friend Carrie, and a whole team were leaving for China and the Philippines on the 16^th of June. I knew I was in the midst of HIS will for this moment in time, which is the best place to be. Before leaving for our journey my dear Lord gave me just the time I needed to pray and fast and be still before Him. It was a beautiful day! I remember just delighting in it, praying, fasting, searching…open before Him. I wrote in my journal early the next morning of multiple confirmations large and small that the Lord had shown me the day before. We were leaving on June 16^th, I called my mom that morning, just a few hours before I left and told her all that had taken place before I had left for Haiti. Asking her, that both she and my dad would pray for me in this area.

The Lord worked in my life in countless ways during my time in the Philippines and China. I was stretched and poured out continually, and yet, in spite of what may seem difficult at times, the Lord revealed Himself to me like I had never seen Him before. I saw a new aspect to my Lord and Master. Just another facet of HIS infiniteness. In my utter weakness HIS virtue would well up within me, and pour out. Words cannot express the beauty of being given for the cause and instead of hopelessness that there is nothing left for oneself, you fall even more deeply in love with our El Shaddai because of HIS endless love pouring forth!

There was a little space of time between the Philippines and China and before the next His Little Feet tour began so I was able to go home for a little while. A few days before I went home, (the actual date of those days are slightly hazy in my memory but what happened isn’t…) Josh and I went to Alba’s a coffee shop in our little town. Two days in a row I do believe. The first time we went my sweet friend Rachel agreed to come and “chaperon” and the second day it so happened that Pastor Eric was working at the coffee shop! : ) The question was in the back of Josh’s thoughts, I could tell. “Is she going to answer me?” “It has been several weeks, is she going to say anything today?” The fact was, I had “talked” to my mom the day I was leaving for the mission trip but I had been about the Lord’s work and even though the Lord had placed an answer on my heart I wanted my parent’s counsel, prayers, and blessing before I said anything to Josh. I remember those days in the coffee shops being delightful! I would come back to campus ready to find a quite spot and bask in my Jesus! Our conversations were strength! As Josh would say, “dipped in the fiery inkwell of the Holy Spirit!” I would share all we talked about but just typing the second day conversation out (which was 4 hours long) It would be quite the manuscript once I was finished. Though an amazing manuscript if I do say so myself! One little thing I shall share is that at the time Josh didn’t know it, but especially during the two days we met to talk I saw the Lord using Josh to confirm the things He had been laying on my heart, which only my Lord Jesus knew. One being, that very morning He pressed upon me to begin reading Revelation. The very thing I read that morning was a prominent part of our discussion, and I wasn’t the one who initiated it. Second, for years the Lord has brought up the feasts of His holy people to me in my walk with Him, a secret desire of mine was that my husband one day would share that passion and we would grow together in that area as the Lord led. Josh, full of zeal and passion shared in abundance about what the Lord had been teaching him on this very subject. Third, many things I had been wanting to study or was studying was found in our conversation that day. Fourth, the Lord also laid on my heart for a time of fasting and I had been praying about how many days, subconsciously the Lord kept whispering a number to me, and lo and behold, in many (and I mean MANY) little ways He used Josh to confirm that number to me. I share all this to say that the Lord used this as yet another confirmation to me. My Abba Father was gently whispering in my ear, “My dear daughter, do you not see, I am passing the spiritually headship to Josh to symbolize that He is the one I have chosen for you to lead and protect you.” Talk about wooing my heart, the Lord knew what would melt me!

The days went by quickly but I made sure to pen in a few dates in my journal so it would forever be written out. “Monday the 11^th – I talked to my mom. Wednesday the 13^th – I talked to my dad. Friday the 15^th – I talked to both of them together. I feel…very light & happy!” I think this is one of those times where one wishes they could express their feelings in words but one utterly fails and has to use normal everyday language & trust the memory transforms them!

I had come up to “visit” everyone up at Ellerslie on July 16^th, for the sole purpose of giving a life altering answer to Josh. That evening Josh and I took a little stroll down the Poudre trail. We walked in silence for a time, we laughed, we talked about this and that but the question and the answer hung thickly in the air between us. I had never quite told a young man that my answer was “yes” and that the Lord had been pressing the same things on my heart, and that it skipped a beat at the thought of being in a relationship with such a handsome young man of God…I have never been one to blurt of deep feelings of my heart. But, somehow I found the courage, and my answer spilled forth. After 6 weeks since that surreal night on the porch, I was giving Josh an answer. I was in quite the state of…bliss and haze, that I do not even remember in the slightest what I said but I can tell you for sure that there wasn’t ever such a “couple” walking in the clouds with silly grins on their faces and hearts as the two of us walking down the lane! And because our God is a God of beautiful details, that evening I found out that it was Josh’s parent’s anniversary. : ) And so, began… our courtship.

A day after we officially began our relationship Josh and I went to a dear family’s house to fellowship with them. Once it was time for me to journey home Josh walked me to my car, and opened the door for me, *I was melting* I remember just before he shut my car door, he leaned on it and said, “Keep studying the tabernacle. When they built it the foundation was costly. I will explain fully, later on.” *even more heart melting* with that, he bid me fare well and shut the car door. I was filled with awe that the Lord had given me such a godly young man, who would constantly point me to Christ!

This tour was the most beautiful and yet the most intense. I was stretched, I was refined, Jesus was continually teaching me of Calvary’s love. There are just WAY too many stories to share what happened every day of this 7-month tour. Each story always pointed me back to HIM, each day overflowed with my Jesus, each day taught me of Him to a greater extent, there was so much laughter, so much joy, so many memories, so much love, lessons, tears, reliance upon HIM like never before; I was brought to the END of myself. Every day was a testimony of my God, the children transformed before our eyes, it was beautiful, it was HIS doing. Looking back, it just brings tears to my eyes to think of our Master’s constant intimacy with each of us. It truly was a beautiful thing to behold and look back upon. There were many a hard time, but I wouldn’t trade any of them, not one. True gold never fears the fire, and I wanted to be the truest of gold for my Lord and Master. I knew, and still know, whatever my God does, He does for a reason!

 Here is a little excerpt from my journal during the tour,

“While I was reading a book entitled “Kisses From Katie” there was many things in her walk that rang true in my life, it is beautiful to see the Lord at work because they are all unique, just like every unique snowflake that gently falls to the earth, and yet they all have marks of the same Master Artist as well. I found this quote at the moment in time where it matched perfectly to what He was bringing me through at that moment, “God has a way of using inadequate people and sometimes He calls us to reach a little higher or to stretch a little further even when we feel we can’t do any more. We simply trust Him. And then, He gives everything to us so the “more” that He is asking us to do can be done.”

“It was as if a veil that had hung before her inner consciousness has been lifted, giving to her view of revelation of unexpected feelings and realities.” That quote was said of a little fictional character but rang true in my life of budding romance. Isn’t that just a lovely thought? My love story was just beginning, the Lord was awakening my heart, our romance was budding. Just little buds beginning to peek their way to the world round about them. And day by day, month by month, year by year…our romance shall continue to bloom, blossom, and flourish with the Gardener who tended and planted it in the first place.

There are a few little tales to be told of our courtship during the course of time, which I was on the road with His Little Feet. Most stories, that happened everyday would more or less bore you but they bring soft smiles to me as I remember them. Little conversations, prayers, hopes, dreams, letters, little things, day in and day out that when one puts them together it composes the most beautiful melody of a life brimming with God’s richest blessings a girl could ever ask for. Life is rich and full… everywhere, in every little detail and moment. If only we can only open our whole hearts to its richness and fullness and praise our Father in Heaven for pouring such beauty upon us. One little story happened when the team flew to Nevada…

Josh had told me that he was going up to the family cabin with his family. The day we arrived in Nevada I received a text saying that “Betsy” the Kinabrew family car broke down, thus making the journey up the mountain to the cabin impossible. I had a secret hope, deep down in my heart, that Josh would have come out to Nevada, since it was rather close to CA and we could see each other for a little bit. It was a secret hope, that I thought would not come true but with that last text from Josh about Betsy let a little flutter of hope and suspicion rise. That evening while Christa was having the host family meeting all of us staff were talking and Aaron happened to mention that his parents had been texting him about their cabin trip and what happened to poor Betsy and that he had a little suspicion of his own. Hope grew just a bit more in my heart as I agreed with Aaron and shared my own thoughts about the matter. Kourtney and Carrie put their two bits in, “Brooke! You mustn’t get your hopes up too high! That may be just wishful thinking.” Said one of my dear friends to me, I shall save her identity : p  (Little did I know that they were completely aware of this scheme that I had no knowledge of…) and giggling at their cleverness to put me off track. But oh! I wanted nothing to do with wishful thinking, they were quite right, I shouldn’t set myself up for disappointment, there shall be no more “wishful thinking” for me in this area, I was quite determined. Christa, unknown to my knowledge had even talked to my host family, who were in on the scheme. That evening Christa texted me to see if I would be willing to arrive at the church several hours before everyone else was scheduled to arrive, to talk over the with her the location and set up of the tables. This was quite normal, especially when we were at a large church, which was the case here. So, we had it all planned Christa would come pick me up in the morning and then we would proceed to the church. The next morning my host home’s son said that my ride was here and they pointed me to the front door, something seemed slightly off kilter but I could put my finger on anything. I proceeded to walk to the front door. It was slightly ajar, “Hmmmm, strange.” Once I opened the door all I could do was stand there, mouth gaping, in shock. Josh was standing there, smiling down at me with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. I stood there, heart pounding with my knees quite weak, I was trembling all over, but I was just gazing up at him with a huge smile all over my face. And then, we hugged, for the very first time. Twas’ the best first hug, EVER. : ) I was wrapped up in his warm embrace (which logically, was probably best, because if I didn’t have his support I probably would have collapsed.) I lay my head on his chest and heard his heart beating, quite rapidly. It was a lovely moment that I shan’t ever forget. After that the whole story spilled out, who was involved, how it all happened they informed me that before surprising me, they went to Aaron’s host home and surprised him as well. We all set out to have breakfast as a merry bunch! I, was walking in a stunned & blissful haze for the rest of the day. Some would say, I was twitterpated, we were both twitter patted, so they said… in all honesty, I must say, tis true.

 We were able to go on a few little walks together a couple jaunts around the church, and once around the neighborhood of my host home. Our last walk together, before Josh and his family had to head back home, was quite delightful. Just strolling together, talking, laughing, being silent, but side by side…and then as our walk was coming to a close, he asked me. He was the perfect gentleman, I don’t remember the exact words that formed the question but, he asked me if he may hold my hand, and not only did he ask my permission to hold my hand but he had asked my father what his thoughts were about holding his daughter’s hands. I answered shyly, and probably ever so softly, “Yes, you may.” All the while my heart melting just in awe that this all was happening to me! Lord, your gifts are so marvelous! And so, we walked back towards the house, my small hand tenderly held in his strong hand for the very first time. The world was beautiful.

I shan’t mention all the times I was teased (with all the joy and goodwill), especially after the wonderful Nevada surprise. From my brothers and sisters in Christ all the way down to the children. “Ooooooh Auntie!!!!” was a phrase I heard often. Oh dear, did that never fail to make me blush! *smile* I wasn’t used to such teasing, but it makes me smile just to think of it now.

The day in which we had to send our children back home was quite bittersweet. Each and everyone of us knew that it was HIS will for them to go back, During their time in America the Lord built them strong, ready for the next season in their little lives. Saying farewell was one of the most heart-wrenching things I had ever done. One last hug, one last squeeze of the hand, one last moment to hear their voice, remember the sound of their laugh, maybe yet another hug… do I have to let go? Trying to be brave and not cry, failing miserably; with tears streaming down my face (twasn’t a pretty cry, trust me!), a brave smile, a wave, trying to get the last glimpse before they vanished out of sight down the escalator. Resting in my Abba’s arms. And yet HIS peace pervaded, HIS ways are higher than ours. He has a family, a forever Daddy & Mommy waiting with open arms down that path for each of our dear children whom we had come to love so fiercely with HIS heart beating within us. If anything, I tasted (just a little morsel, in which I don’t think my heart could handle more than that morsel.) the depths of our Heavenly Father’s love.

Soon after our children’s departure it was time to go home, time to prepare for the new season in life that would come somewhere down the road… it was a time of preparation and a time to spend with my family – I began to pack up my room at Ellerslie, the room that I had lived in for almost three whole, beautiful years. The room that had held so many memories, so much laughter, so many lessons. There was so much change all around me. It was a new season with many beautiful possibilities stretched out before me. A joy unspeakable rose up within me for the journey HE has walked me though to that point. Oh how HE was and still is transforming me into HIS transparent radiance!

I didn’t exactly know what Josh’s plans were, he would say something to throw me off, and it did indeed throw me off. He would say something along the lines of, “I am waiting on the Lord, it could be 5 days or it could be 5 years.” I am one that likes to plan, I like knowing what is around the bend, the Lord knows this and has continually been stretching me and teaching me to rest in His capable hands. I remember one particular day; July 13th (one year ago already…) I had a desire welling up within me, like never before. It was a deep longing to be married, a desire to be Josh’s wife, to be a homemaker and all the joys that flow from it. I knew the Lord was allowing this desire to well up within my heart, He was nurturing it, allowing it to blossom more then ever had, because this was a new season. The Master Gardener was tending my little heart, yet again, this time, tending the soil for what was to come. That day, I wandered over hills, through thickets, and poured my heart out to Him, sharing with Him this desire welling up within me and threating to spill out of me, the desire to know, the temptation of impatient, discontentment, oh, the restlessness I felt. By the end of our (My Heavenly Father’s and My) walk in the place of that restless desire was a desire full of resolute peace, knowing that whatever the future may hold, whether it was 5 days or 5 years, He would keep me in perfect peace and as He cultivated our blooming romance it would flourish in His perfect timing. . .

. . .little did I know, during the exact same time I was pouring my heart and allowing His peace to pervade me, giving Him my full trust. My beloved, Josh was roaming through the world of rings in search of the perfect engagement ring to place on my finger as a covenant before God and man, of a love…stemming from God, that would last forever. . .

(From Josh’s Perspective)

In Genesis 22:10, the Hebrew word for “stretched forth” also can mean “dismiss.” The context of this passage is talking about Abraham taking his son Isaac to the altar, and stretching forth his hand to slay his son because God told him and Abraham wanted to obey. Abraham had come to the point where he had literally turned his back on the gift God had given him, because he wanted to follow Him with everything he had – even down to the gifts that God had given him. I remember calling my parents in late September and saying that I felt God was leading me to lay my friendship with Brooke on the altar. In a lot of ways, the friendship between Brooke and I was a gift that I didn’t deserve.

Brooke had left for the first His Little Feet tour in late 2010, and I stayed around at Ellerslie doing film. It was right around October 2010 when I had the score for The Gospel put in my hands. I was asked to direct/produce a film to go with this powerful one-two punch of an amazing film score and anointed teaching. It took around 6 months to produce the film from start to finish because there were only a handful of people working on it for some of the time, and one or two people working on it for most of the time. It was during this point that I had begun to lay Brooke on the metaphorical altar of my life. Now that she was off campus, and because God was working in my life in regards to our friendship, I felt that we were not supposed to talk as much as we had been. I told Brooke that I thought it would be best if we talked only once a week on Fridays for 30 minutes. Our friendship went from being “good friends” to “acquaintances” in a matter of days. But I always looked forward to Friday nights.

Those conversations were pure spiritual energy to my soul right at a time in which I was feeling inadequate for the task ahead of me. I kept thinking, “The task ahead of me is never as great as the power behind me.” Those conversations were purely of God. I would pray beforehand that God would guide each word of the conversation and guard our hearts. She would share about what the Haitian kids were doing that was adorable, and I would talk about the nitty gritty details of what I was working on – from camera tests to sword-fighting rehearsals. But God began to prick at my heart. I wanted to honor Brooke in our friendship, and honor her future husband in our interactions. I delayed our Friday night conversation that week in order to pray more about it. On Brooke’s 21st birthday I called her, wished her a happy birthday, and told her that I think we should stop talking on Fridays and only stick to writing letters.

I wanted to be extremely sensitive to God speaking to me about our friendship, so I would daily lay it on the altar. The letters from Brooke came very seldom, and I was fine with that because I didn’t feel as if our friendship was moving forward at all. Our letters would include bits of the Word we were studying, and things that we were learning. I remember being pressed closer to Jesus during that time because of these few letters.

Brooke wrote a letter in March saying what God was doing in her life in regards to our communication. It was a confirmation for me to understand that, and after I finished reading that letter, I texted her saying we needed to talk on the phone. During our 5 minute conversation I explained that God had been working in my life for the past few months in regards to that area as well, and as a result I felt that we should completely stop communicating until after Brooke was done with her tour with His Little Feet.

During the month and a half that we didn’t talk, I had finished The Gospel and was still working on completing my responsibilities at Ellerslie in the film department. I don’t remember ever thinking about Brooke at all during this time. I was able to give myself wholly to my responsibilities and the study of the Word. There were three days that I remember distinctly during this period. It was on Good Friday of 2011 that God began working on my heart. As I sat down to study the book of Matthew, I remember not being able to discern anything that I was reading. Almost as if everything was going over my head. The next day I remember being able to read the same passages and getting something out of them this time – in fact, the Word was so rich that day that I didn’t want to stop reading! The next day I felt empowered and anointed to confront someone who I believed was not completely lining up with the Word of God in a certain area. Once that conversation was done, out of the clear blue, I heard God speaking to me about the friendship between Brooke and I. He said that it was time to move forward with our friendship.

What friendship? We had no friendship really for the past few months, just a handful of letters about Jesus written to each other. Thankfully Brooke wasn’t on campus around this time, because I would have felt unprepared to talk to her about what God was speaking to me. Around the middle of May was when His Little Feet returned to Ellerslie’s campus. Brooke and I were still not talking at this point, until one of Brooke’s friends came up to me without her knowing, and told me that Brooke was confused and a little befuddled about why we still weren’t talking.

On May 30th, His Little Feet was leaving to take the kids from Haiti back to their country. Everyone was busy packing, and I helped a bit with it as well. Around 11:00pm I approached Brooke and asked if she was willing to talk to me for a little bit. We went outside the dorm wing that His Little Feet was staying in and talked on the chairs for a little bit, until I decided we should call it a night so Brooke could be ready to leave at 3:00am to catch her flight to Haiti with the rest of the team. As she walked in the door I still saw that people were packing and getting everything ready to leave in just a few hours. I remember walking back to my room, and remembering what God was speaking to me about our friendship. I texted Brooke something like, “Could you come back outside? There’s one thing I wanted to talk to you about that I probably would be disobedient if I didn’t.”

My heart was pounding out of my chest. As I was walking the few hundred feet or so from my room to the porch of the dorm, I imagined my saying what I was about to say and Brooke just running back into the dorm crying because God was telling her something opposite. What happened next is partially a blur, but partially it is crystal clear in my memory.

As I sat down to talk with Brooke, I was surprised that she wasn’t out there. Her room was just 20 feet or so from the door and I walked a few hundred feet to get there. This only added to the tension. As she opened the door, we both jumped – me scared about what I was going to talk to her about, her scared because I was just sitting there. Once she sat down, I took a while to form my sentences, because I wanted to be clear about what I was saying. “God has been speaking to me about our friendship, and I believe that we are supposed to pursue a relationship intended for marriage together.”

Silence.

“I could be wrong in this, but I want you to pray about it before you give me any sort of answer.”

She nods.

“Okay, I think that’s all I have to say.”

She nods, and we both go back to our rooms.

I am thinking to myself, “What have I done?! I may have just destroyed any sort of friendship between us. What if she sticks around Ellerslie for a long time? It will be a little awkward!”

I called my dad in California to let him know what just happened. I couldn’t see his face, and I don’t remember much of the conversation, but I remember him saying something like, “She’s a wonderful girl, your mom and I are very proud of you, and we would love to have her be a part of our family!” Cool, now I just had to figure out a way to get some sleep that night.

At 3:00am I went outside to say my last goodbyes to the little Haitian kids that were a part of the choir. I waved goodbye to Brooke.

Little did I know, I wouldn’t get an answer from her for six weeks.

(From Brooke’s Perspective)

Oh what joys, memories, laughter, and lessons came from the first tour of the His Little Feet international children’s choir! The Lord had intricately placed this ministry before me and called me to serve Him and His royalty for the seasons He placed before me. All for His glory, all so that I may be transformed into a clearer picture of my Maker, this was my desire; this still is my desire, to become more and more like Jesus. So, my Lord called me into active service and I was going to serve Him with all that was within me, with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.

A scripture that the Lord had be highlighting to me during this time is found in 2 Timothy 2:4, “No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier.”

During the first part of the tour Josh and I decided to lay our friendship as it was, on the altar and pursue Christ at a deeper level and serve our Commander relentlessly in the areas the Lord placed before us. Mine being His Little Feet and Josh’s being the Ellerslie Short Film: The Gospel, and also filming and editing Eric’s sermons.
In January, Josh had a meeting with Eric about guidelines for Josh and I in the area of communication, the outcome was talking on the phone once a week for thirty minutes and handwritten letters, this became our form of communication.  I desired to be completely honorable in my interaction with any guy and I knew that Josh desired that all of his interactions with young ladies be honorable and pleasing to the Lord as well. So, when Josh told me he had talked to Eric Ludy about our interactions and communication while I was on tour it slightly confused me to say the least. You see, it seemed as if Josh had other intentions; intentions to possibly go deeper than a friendship. But, it was abundantly clear on both of our sides that there was nothing else, other than a friendship between a brother and sister in Christ who desired HIM more then anything and that everything that was going between us in our interaction only spurred us closer to our King.

Every letter I received from Josh was written with the ink other than this world. After reading a letter or talking to Josh on the phone for our allotted 30 minutes I would be refreshed and even though it was late (because I would talk to him after I put the little ones I was caring for in bed, sound asleep) I would have a hunger and a drive to dig deeper into His word. I wanted to know my Jesus the way Josh did. He challenged me, he inspired me, and he poured Jesus into me. That once a week phone call became refreshment to me. I looked forward to the short 30 minutes a week where I could share Jesus and get a new glimpse of my Jesus!

Josh called me the evening of my birthday, January 24th, 2011, and told me that the Lord had been working on his heart and he felt that we shouldn’t talk on the phone anymore and that we could continue writing letters but nothing else other than that. And so, starting January 24th we stopped our 30 minute conversations on Fridays.

During this time I felt the Lord tugging at my heart, “Brooke, I know you desire that in all things you must honor me and honor the one I am preparing for you to be your husband. As well as honor Josh’s future wife.” I prayed about how I could live a life now that would show my husband that I loved him “all the days of my life” and I knew what I had to do. Even though my conversations and letters with Josh was a source of refreshment and encouragement I knew that if my future husband or his future wife saw us exchange letters or talk on the phone they may not feel cherished as they should. And so I wrote a letter to Josh expressing all that the Lord had been speaking to me about this matter. Knowing full well, the moment Josh received the letter, because of his passion for the Lord and the way in which he viewed thing from a black and white, all in or all out perspective that we would quickly cut off all communication.  A communication, though few and far between, had been a means to push me into the depths of my King. And yet, I knew He would prove Himself faithful as I obeyed.

Once Josh received my letter about what the Lord had been speaking to me he sent a text to me saying we should talk on the phone. We hadn’t talked on the phone for at least three months at this point in time. To this day, I remember the state, house, and room I was in. In the short 5 minute span Josh confirmed that the Lord had been working on his heart as well and that he agreed that we should stop all forms of communication. And that is what we did. Just like that. We decided that we would talk at some point after I was done with this HLF tour.

Now one thing you must understand before I go on further. During His Little Feet’s (HLF) time on campus at Ellerslie, Josh and I did not interact. We were both busy about the Lord’s work. So why this next part of the story is, I honestly do not know. You see, these precious little children liked to match people up. This Auntie with this Uncle, this Uncle with this Auntie and thus a handful of them chose to match Uncle Josh and Auntie Brooke up as the perfect match. Why? I cannot tell you. I wish I could but I heard this “match” all through the tour. Auntie Brooke, me, would have none of it and would try to convince the children otherwise but the more I mentioned how adamantly I was against it the more it rose.

A few days after Josh and I officially stopped talking. One of the older girls in the choir and I were talking at night. We had finished the devotional for that evening and our prayers and we were talking, she was sharing her thoughts with me about what we had talked about in the devotional and such and then all of a sudden she said, “Auntie Brooke, I am going to prophesy.” I looked at her, playing along, “Oookaaay…” this sweet girl, who had become so so dear to me simply and confidently stated to me, “Someday you are going to get married to Uncle Josh. You will be so happy! And then when you come to Haiti you will come tell all of us children and you will look at me at say, “You were right!” and we will all be so so happy for you and Uncle Josh.” I was quite shocked at this statement. I really didn’t know how to respond. I don’t quite remember what I told her in response, something along the lines of, “I highly doubt that my dear. Now rest, we have talked way too late tonight.”

I honestly don’t remember thinking much about Josh during the days that followed after our 5 minute talk. I was completely focused on the tasks the Lord had given me….working at them with everything in me, as unto Him. As moments melted into days and days into weeks every once in awhile while I was working or praying a thought would surface. “Maybe you should start praying about the possibility that Josh may be your future husband.” or “What if he is the one, pray about it.” and everytime I would push the thought far from me, rebuking it in fact. “In the name of Jesus, that thought is a distraction, and I will not be distracted from the work God has placed before me.” But my Lord kept placing the thought in my mind, gently, lovingly. My memory brought up the instance of the day I had given Josh “a hug” (See Part Three of our story about “the hug”) and how repulsed he was, “Oh! What would he think if he knew I was thinking about praying about him possibly being my future husband!?!” Knowing him, any friendship we may have would be gone in an instant if he knew what I was thinking about praying about. And then, one obscure day, I began to pray about the possibility, letting Him search my heart, letting Him to show me His desire…letting Him slowly awaken my heart, though at the time I had no idea that is what He was doing…

The time of the 2010-2011 HLF tour was coming to an end, and the 100 Wing on the Ellerslie campus was full of life as all of us were hustling here and there preparing for our journey to Haiti to bring the children back to Danita’s Children – Hope for Haiti. We had arrived back to Colorado from tour and Josh and I still had not talked though we had run into each other (not literally) several times. May 30th came…everyone bustling around checking off all the things on our to do list. We were going to Haiti! Somewhere around 11 o’clock us HLF staff were done preparing everything for the children and our sweet little worshippers were sound asleep in the rooms above us. It was our turn to pack our things. Right before I went in my room to pack Josh walked up to me and asked if I would have time to talk for a bit before I left. I informed my friends where I would be and walked out on the front porch of the 100 Wing. We sat there on two chairs and talked about what the Lord had been doing in our lives, just as if there was not a 4 month gap of no communication that we just had. 30 minutes later I went back inside and continued to pack. A few minutes later my phone beeped letting me know I received a text. It was a text from Josh, the short sentence made me confused and curious…and a little nervous as well. “Can I talk to you one more time, I have something to say, and I feel like I would be disobedient to Him if I didn’t say it.” “Yes,” I responded. I began slowly walking to the door…

May 31st, 2011 – 12:07 a.m. (approximately one year to the day since we first met.)

…as I opened the door Josh was already there sitting on the chair he was before, as if he hadn’t moved, not expecting him to be there I jumped, startled because I had startled him, not a small feat to startle Josh. Immediately, I knew something was up. The air was thick of ….something I couldn’t name. I slowly sat down. Josh was leaning his arms on his knees, hands clasped, looking at the ground. He inhaled, exhaled, took in yet another breath, looked at me and exhaled…I could tell he was trying to find the right words…

“God has been speaking to me about our friendship, and I believe that we are supposed to pursue a relationship intended for marriage together.”

Silence. Shock. A smile. A nod. Speechless.

I saw Josh searching my eyes. Looking for a hint of anything. Trying to read me. I nod, unable to say much, (Come to find out, I don’t function well under shock :P)

“I will pray about it.” I said.

And then it was over, five minutes or less and I was just presented a life-altering question! I go back to my room to finish my packing, my mind shocked and swirling! Thoughts. Prayers. Three hours later, I left for Haiti. I waved to Josh and all the other Ellerslie student sending us off. We get on the bus and Aaron, Josh’s brother, who also travels with HLF handed me a stack of letters and in a confused tone and a shrug said, “Josh gave these to me for you.” Letters in hand, swirling mind, a soldier in the service of her King, destination: Haiti.

After the Alpha semester of Ellerslie, both Brooke and I went back home. Her just south of Denver, Colorado. I go back home to just north of Fresno, California. For the few weeks I was home Brooke and I kept emailing. All I wanted to do is be a Godly example of a guy while making friends with a most extraordinary girl. I knew in my head when the time was right I would lose our friendship when her future husband comes along to sweep her off her feet. There were absolutely no intentions on my part until quite some time later. I was after a friendship that would be God-glorifying and encourage me on the narrow road of following Christ while I practice cheering another saint on down the narrow way.

When I arrive on campus, my room-mate and I plunge head-first into the huge undertaking of filming the sessions that Eric would give during the next semester. I would be in my room for hours researching the correct equipment for filming, and still trying to seek after Christ with the same intensity that I had been the first semester. While I was doing this, I was awakened to my previous church’s desperate need of revival, and also my own personal need of revival every second of every day. I was praying about how this might come about, since I was at Ellerslie and the church was in my hometown. Around this time my parents, without my prior knowledge had asked Eric and Leslie to speak at my church. Eric and Leslie agreed and my mom started planning for the conference. I had emailed Brooke about the conference my mom was planning and asked her to pray for it to be the start of revival that my hometown needed. I was planning on flying out to be of help in any way that I could.

Around this time was when Brooke got back to Ellerslie for the start of her His Little Feet journey. Brooke and Kelsey (a mutual friend of ours from first semester) started hanging out around this time. I remember the times that we would go and talk at Loodles and how they were just continually pressing me towards my King. We would pray together, open Scripture together, and discuss things that Jesus was doing in our lives. I remember these times to be so precious to me, and just like I prayed over the emails I sent to Brooke, I prayed over these times of fellowship. During this time, contrary to what you might be thinking, I had no interest for anything but a friendship from Brooke. The same went for Kelsey. I was enjoying company from a like-minded group of people.

I remember getting an email from Brooke asking if both her and Kelsey would be able to come along with me when I flew to California for the girls conference. There were a couple people from the first semester that were going to be there in CA for the girls conference as well, so I thought nothing of them coming. They were in it because of the mini-reunion of Ellerslie students that we would have at the conference. After the plans came together, we ended up leaving for CA on September 30th, 2010. (A significant date that we will explain in a later post! )

Before the conference, we were awakened to the need of prayer for fighting for things in the Heavenlies to be brought to earth. Brooke was going to intern with His Little Feet for a year. The plan for the ministry was to bring in children from Haiti and go around the nation to bring awareness to the plight of over 160 million orphans around the world, and also to share the unaltered Gospel with the churches at which they performed. After returning from the conference we were expecting the kids from Haiti to come at any point, and when I got the call to go film their arrival in Denver in November, I was elated. During this trip to and from the airport I got to witness and document on camera many “firsts” for the kids. First sighting of snow, first snowball fight, first Chick-fil-a meal, and the first time these kids had seen an entire campus of Ellerslie students that battled long hours in prayer, and had such a Christ-like love for each and every one of them. I remember talking to the students at lunch tables after the kids had arrived and each one telling me that a different kiddo had a nook in their heart. These kids had a spiritual family at Ellerslie and it was an amazing privilege to witness.

After the kids arrived and Brooke went on tour, I wanted to maintain our friendship as she was on the road, so we would talk on the phone for a bit each week, asking about prayer requests and rejoicing in Jesus for the praise reports of these kids. I remember her explaining some salvation experiences for some of the kids and me just weeping on the other end of the phone. During Brooke’s time on tour, because of some not-so-pretty things Kelsey, Brooke and I went through at Ellerslie in regards to our friendship, I wanted to be careful in mine and Brooke’s friendship. I wanted to make sure her future husband would be honored in my interactions with her. I kept placing myself in his shoes. “If my future wife had this kind of friendship with another guy, would I feel infringed upon?” I kept that in the back of my head during this entire season. During this time I drew utterly closer to Christ by myself. If I had one word to describe this season it would be “Brokenness.” Christ was breaking me and forming me even closer into His image than I ever thought possible. During this time I felt that I was supposed to lay my friendship with Brooke on the altar – just like Abraham and Isaac. And as Abraham put Isaac on the altar and forsook him, which means to completely turn away from, I was supposed to lay my friendship with Brooke on the altar.

(From Brooke’s Perspective)

After the Alpha semester at Ellerslie I journeyed back home for a little bit, to spend time with my family before the Ellerslie Advanced Leadership Training started and before the first group of the His Little Feet children came here to Windsor, Colorado from Haiti. During my time at home Josh and I continued to correspond via email Oh, what an encouragement he was during that time, he always pointed me to Christ and continued to turn my gaze to the wonder of my King. I longed to do that same for him, point him to his King and challenge him to dive to depths he has never gone to before!

During one of Josh’s email he mentioned in passing that Eric and Leslie were going to have a Set Apart Girl conference at his church in California, “I’ve been praying for a revival in my church. Maybe this is the time!” I was excited at this news and there was a pull that I can’t really explain, a little nudge inside of me. Josh also mentioned that a few of my Ellerslie sisters who lived in California were going to help Mrs. Kinabrew (Josh’s Mom), Eric, and Leslie with the conference. This nudge grew and I began praying about the possibility about going to help. I approached my parents about this possibility of going out to California to help with the conference if they needed any more help. I prayed for His will and guidance and it soon became clear that I was going to go. This in itself can become a huge story but long in short on September 30th, 2010, Chelsea, Kelsey, Josh, and I all got on a plane in Colorado headed to California…

After our time in California the four of us returned to Colorado for the Ellerslie Advanced Leadership Program. From October 4th to November 14th I was immersed in the Word, going to classes, and preparing the dorms for our Haitian children who would arrive soon! We weren’t sure when the children would arrive, Mike and Christa Hahn (the founders and directors of His Little Feet) had been down in Haiti getting all the legal paperwork finished to bring the children here to America for many, many days. We were an expectant band, there at Ellerslie. We had a 24-hour prayer vigil, just praying our children in!

A vital part of this story, which may not seem like one at this moment (but trust me, it will play a vital part later on in this saga) is what Josh and I refer to as *the hug* Intriguing huh? One day I was headed for Kelsey’s room, her room was my second room (I was over there all the time) when one of the Ellerslie students saw me and asked with a joyful tone, “Can I give you a hug!?” Thinking she was going to give me an actual hug, I said, “Yes.” As I was ready for a “real hug” she then proceeded to hand me a Hersey chocolate *hug* this little candy is just like a Hersey *kiss* but it says *hug* instead of *kiss*…surprised and smiling I went and told Kelsey the story. Soon after an idea was formed. This idea involved me (because it would be more surprising coming from me, apparently.) asking and giving Josh a *hug* So, Kelsey, Josh, and I (a couple hours later) were sending our friend Bri a birthday package. We all headed to the post office to mail Bri’s package (the Hersey *hug* hidden safely away) as we were piling out of the car I turned to Kelsey and asked her, “Should I give it to Josh now?” Well, of course, Josh was immediately curious and had no idea what I was talking about, nor what was going to happen to him next. Needless to say the farthest thing from his mind was me asking him if I could give him a hug. Which is exactly what I asked. This part is hard to express with words, a little video of the moment would have been nice. Josh, who is extremely hard to fluster became extremely flustered! Panic, shock, and horror all registered on his face all at once, it looked as if he was about ready to bolt! Trying to calm him and apologize for all the emotion that was written on his face in the matter of a moment I quickly pulled out the half-melted Hersey *hug* from it’s hiding spot and quickly explained that this was the *hug* I was talking about. Nothing else. Josh, again, who NEVER gets flustered, was flustered for at least 30 to 45 more minutes while we continued running errands. Josh, is the type of guy who is all in or all out there is no luke-warm for him. He is passionate for what he stands for and is willing to be against the world if it means following the path the Lord has placed before him. I admired (and still do) this attribute in Josh. Josh had no thought of anything between us but a friendship, nothing beyond that. So, when I asked him if I could give him a *hug* the memory of his reaction was ingrained in my mind.

The moment I found out the children were on their way to America is one of those moments that will forever be frozen in my memory. Kelsey and I were walking across campus late one evening when Jenn and Kala came running out of the His Little Feet wing, also known as the Victory Wing, Jenn grabs my shoulders in delight and exclaims, “They are coming!” I remember standing in the middle of the frozen path in the chilly night air in shock! The children are coming! It began sinking in! Oh, what joy and excitement! The last minute preparations were made and we were ready to welcome our Haitian children! After Mike and Christa were in Haiti for 80 days, the time had come to welcome these dear children we fought for in prayer…what a joyous day that was!

From the time we arrived back on campus from California in September to the time the children arrived, Josh, Kelsey, and I would do things together such as just hanging out, talking of our Lord and things He had been revealing to us, going to a Loodles, a coffee shop in Windsor, and studying, et cetera. Once the children arrived on November 14th my life at Ellerslie drastically changed! It went from almost 24/7 of studying His word and quiet time alone with the Lord to, 24/7 motherhood, literally overnight! That in itself, was an adventure!

It is hard to sum up tour in just a few words let alone sum up how the Lord was intricately working in the midst of my life and heart during this time.  During this tour I was stretched beyond myself. I had to fully rely upon my Lord like I never had before. And as I look back it was simply another layer to what the Lord had for me to transform me into His likeness. The vision of this tour, for me was encapsulated by a verse that the Lord gave me while praying one day, it’s found in 2 Corinthians 2:14 which says, “But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.” This tour, the beginning of the His Little Feet International Children’s Choir, was called to spread the fragrance of the knowledge of our Lord and His heartbeat everywhere He led us. And He did just that. There were many wonderful memories and stories from this 2010-2011 tour.

During Ellerslie Alpha Semester 2010 my life was forever changed. Never before had I seen a group of people so Spirit-led that had so intensely tasted of the fire of His Love. Seeing a little piece of Heaven brought to earth in that way just caused me to cling to Jesus even more. I wanted to be made soft clay again and again for the Potter to form me into what He wanted over and over. I resolved to not look to anyone who was seeking Christ with all that they have as my benchmark for living the Christian life. Often times if we look to mere men as the end-all for our relationship with Christ, we become more like them than we become like Christ. I wanted to be a Christ-follower. Through thick and thin, through the highs and the lows, I resolved to do the bidding of my King.

Excelsior. Ever-higher. Ever further. Ever deeper into His image.

Brooke and I refer to this season as being asleep in Him. As we rest our lives in Jesus, He will rouse us to His calling. I was asleep in Him for this season with no intention of waking up. When God put Adam to sleep, the next thing Adam knows when he wakes up is that God had been busy at work while he was sleeping. Often times when we run around and try to make much of our lives by seeking that next big career opportunity or seek after that good-looking someone, we aren’t still enough to hear His voice in our lives. During Ellerslie, I honestly don’t remember being friends with Brooke. There are a lot of pictures of us in the same group of people, but I really don’t remember her being there. During one of the last nights of the Alpha semester, I was going to all of the photographers of that semester so I could compile all of the pictures and post them on a website for all who wanted the pictures to download them. Brooke was one of the photographers that I was talking to, and I remember her giving me her email address so I could send her a reminder to get me the pictures before she left Ellerslie. That was how our correspondance started. A few days later (forgetting about the pictures) she responded to my email. During the first semester Eric had asked my roommate and I to film the sessions he would give in the second semester so they could be archived, edited, and sold as DVDs for those wanting to go through the discipleship series. It was public knowledge that I was staying on after Ellerslie to help prepare for this huge undertaking. Our first few emails were about how each other was doing at home and what plans were for the future. In one of those emails from Brooke, she asked what I thought about being an intern at Ellerslie. I was a little wavering because I didn’t know what my life held afterwards. Brooke sent me this verse in one of her emails:

1 Corinthians 2:9 – “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

I distinctly remember being encouraged by this verse, and by this girl who took the time to send it to me. Our emails continued as we began our friendship. I remember asking God to fill me with His words to encourage her as she began a new season of life. Brooke was pursuing an internship with His Little Feet, and she wrote to me in an email,

“My parents are excited for me. The more I tell my mom the more she wants to do it….they both know this is where the Lord wants me and it is such a wonderful blessing to have both of my parents confirm that the fingerprints of God are all over this!” 

Our emails transformed from mostly questions about each other to mostly encouragement for each other. I remember wanting to get in my Bible after reading her emails for the reason of just being nearer and nearer to my King. I saw that in Brooke. She was abiding in Christ, and in turn pouring out to me in these emails. I wanted what she had. Below are a couple snippets from our conversations.

(Brooke) 

Listen to this!

“These {where the men who} turned the world upside down.” -Acts17:6

Twelve against the world.

Twelve who chose the gritty bravehearted path.

Twelve was enough.

May it be so today.

 

…{found this in the Bravehearted Gospel as well!} It made me want to shout! There are 12 of you~ God granted Eric 12….and then there are 43 women ready to follow the Lord’s command. 12 was enough! We have the Lord Almighty on our side …what are we waiting for!?

 

So, press on to the mark! Lay hold of the prize! The King has called. Who will answer? The race has been set. Who will run? The bravehearted path is the path of our Master; it is a way of thorns and it is a road of glory, and those who run it must run it with all their might!

Why are we willing to compromise to fit in with this world? Why aren’t we hated like Jesus was? Why are we not despised? Why do we fit in so well? I’ve been struggling with that myself. If I have a ton of friends, are they really all Christians? I know they arent. Narrow is the gate and hard is the way to salvation and few will enter. Few will enter. What makes my friends think they are a part of the few if they are partying on saturday night, getting drunk, and waking up for church on sunday to pray for those who get drunk on saturday. Its a vicious cycle, and I hate it. With a holy hate. With a passion that cannot be explained. I desire to be hated by this world, to be hated like Christ was. No longer do I desire to fit in. Its opposite from the rest of the world. If I do fit in, I am uneasy. Why do I fit in? Why do people like me? Is it Christ they see through me? Oh, how I desire that Christ in me be the only thing they see. 

 

Let prayer become your priority. Remember that a prayer of faith is answered for the glory of His name. 

Before I (Josh) begin I wanted to share a little bit of what’s on my heart. God is an artist. The things He paints are amazingly beautiful, intricate, and breathtaking. And as we live to be His canvases, we live to be painted on by the True Artist. One thing about God is that He doesn’t paint the same picture on two different canvases, however both paintings are His work of art. When we take the artist’s brush out of God’s hand and begin to illustrate our own painting, we are never happy with it. It is only when we submit the brush back to the Master that we can ever have something we will be forever happy with. That being said, we will be telling the story as two canvases praising the One who has started this beautiful masterpiece in us and through us. Not all of His paintings will look exactly like ours. There might be similarities though, just like a good artist has a trademark, there is a trademark for the Master Artist, and you might see some of these things in the masterpiece He has started in you. But don’t be worried if you don’t! As long as He has the brush, dipped in the bottomless palette of the Holy Spirit, His creativity never runs dry. There are fathomless options of unique stories that show different aspects of our unchangeable and infinite God. So while your story might not sound like ours, we want to rejoice in it with you.

Because we know that anything illustrated by the Master Artist is impossibly good.

That being said, let’s begin the story…

(From Josh’s Perspective)

It’s 2009. I’m in California working as an intern for media and production, and through a bizarre set of circumstances was going to intern for a big name director in Hollywood. I’ve always been into film, and this was just an immediate boost for a career in film and production. This was my chance to begin pursuing my filmmaking dream. As I was moving forward with this amazing opportunity, it was around January of 2010 that God asked me a question: “Do you want more of me? Or do you want more of yourself, Josh?” After pondering this for a few days, I decided to say no to the internship and yes to more of God. During this time, my production company Contra Mundum Productions was born. It was God’s way of reminding me that I was to be against the world in all of the aspects He has called me to. Whatever God wants to do with this company I’m all for. “Contra” is Latin for “Against” and “Mundum” is Latin for “World.” The translation is “Against the World” which is largely what God has been training me in these past few years.

After January, I was wondering what God had for me. I was solely relying on that internship in Hollywood to kick off my professional career, and now that I had decided to follow Christ instead of what I wanted to do, I had no plans for the future. Around Christmastime I had gotten a book from my sister from Eric and Leslie Ludy called Wrestling Prayer. A few people that I was friends with were applying to Eric and Leslie’s Bible College called Ellerslie. They all wanted me to apply, and I really didn’t have a desire for going. 10 weeks to seek after God single-mindedly without earthly distractions? Who would want that? I said no a few times to the requests of these friends, but after further investigation I decided that I would give it a shot and apply. I stayed up late one night, completed and submitted my application for Ellerslie. The following Wednesday I was accepted.

To fully understand the mindset behind Ellerslie, I’ll explain a few things. First, you are there to seek God first and foremost. Second, there are no relationships allowed. I was only 20 when I went to Ellerslie, far too young to get in a relationship, so I wasn’t focused on that aspect at all. I sought after God during the entire time I was at Ellerslie and He honored that by bringing me into a deeper knowledge of Him. I ended up being an intern at Ellerslie for a total of a year and a half, and through that invaluable time I was brought into a widening chasm of the depths of the knowledge of Christ and how He has a hand on my life. I’ll go into detail on that in another post.

For now, just knowing that I wasn’t going to be in a relationship while at Ellerslie was surprisingly a satisfying thing. I didn’t have to worry about what girls thought of me because I wasn’t thinking about how I needed to win their favor. I wanted to win Christ’s favor first and foremost.

(From Brooke’s Perspective)

My journey began in 2009 when I stumbled across a book entitled, “Authentic Beauty”. My hunger and thirst for righteousness would not be quenched, I desired my Jesus at depths that only He could fill. I was seeking His face, I desired to live a life of full and utter abandon to my Lord and Savior. I desired His will above all else. And this desire, this drive, this unquenchable yearning is what started a ripple effect that has forever impacted my life. This book, Authentic Beauty was brought into my life at just the right moment in time, during this time of a deeper thirst for my Source of Life. After devouring this book I saw a web site, which led me to the world of Eric and Leslie Ludy. I came to know and respect their walk with the Lord and their genuine surrender to His call upon their lives.

As I was looking around the Set Apart Girl website I came across information about a Set Apart Girl conference in the lovely state of Colorado (my home state). I knew that if I went my life and thoughts would be dramatically altered and that this conference would draw me ever closer to my Lord and Master. Along with my friends Valerie and Felicia we decided to embark on this journey to a Set Apart Girl weekend. And little did I know what grand things He had in store for me as He led me step by step on the path that He had placed before me.

During the 2009 Set Apart Girl Conference Eric and Leslie “unofficially” announced that they were in the process of opening up a school the following summer, summer 2010. As Eric began passionately speaking about the vision he and Leslie had for this school of honor my heart was drawn. You see, during this season in my life, my desire to fall deeper in love with my Lord was my constant thought, my desire was to “seek the Lord with all my heart, mind and soul.” And to answer His call and be able to say, “Here I am Lord, send me.” So, I had been looking for the perfect opportunity since 2008, I searched though all different options, mission schools, bible schools, mission trips and although each of these had wonderful attributes and different qualities, none of them felt like the “perfect fit.” They were not what I was looking for, and more importantly, they were not what God was looking for. So, as Eric began sharing the vision, which the Lord had given him for this school called Ellerslie I felt an excitement grow within me, not just a surface excitement, but the deep, resounding inner excitement. “Lord, is this what you have in store for me?”

I came home on fire and full of renewed passion. I began praying about the possibility of attending Ellerslie with open hands. My only desire was to please Him and be in the epicenter of His will and His alone. And even though my desire and excitement grew every day at the possibility of going to this school, I didn’t want to continue until I knew I had His seal of approval upon this decision. I went on Ellerslie’s website, I found and printed the application and then placed it on my dresser, there is sat as I began asking for His guidance and wisdom. I was constantly on my knees asking Him if indeed Ellerslie was the next step for me to take. I knew one thing, even though I knew that Ellerslie fit what I was looking for I wanted Him to make the final decision.

“Choosing to give God the pen of our lives is not just a one time prayer that produces instant answers to all of lives’ dilemmas. It is a lifestyle.”

The application process was quite extensive. In fact, the Lord taught me reliance upon Him even in something as little as filling out the application. I had almost completed the application and I had two essays complete and ready to send in and then all of a sudden my family’s computer crashed, with everything that I had done. I prayed ever more, searching and asking Him if it was His will that I go to Ellerslie. We found out that Eric was pastoring a church up at the Ellerslie campus so we decided to drive up there on a blistery Sunday evening, January 3rd to be exact. Unbeknownst to us at that time we came up on the first Sunday they used the chapel. Eric spoke on the Mighty Intercessor. I remember sitting next to Sandi, Ben Zornes was leading worship; Annie was sitting in front of me with Jade on her left and her brother Johnny on her right. I also remember watching Grace, Bex, Jade, Annie, and Ben all talking after the sermon. Little did I know that I would soon know these sweet people. My parents and I discussed the possibility and His peace truly flooded over this whole situation. In the next couple days I rewrote the needed essays and application and sent them into Sandi. And surrendered the rest to the Lord.

As the days quickly came to Ellerslie I got more and more excited! I didn’t entirely know what to expect, but I knew one thing, I expected to meet Jesus, in a way I had never met Him before. I knew I would fall more and more in love with the Lover of my soul! And indeed, I did! Far surpassing anything I could have ever asked, He wooed me and drew me closer into the unfathomable depths of His majesty and love. Many a people told me that I might just find “Mr. Right” while I was at Ellerslie. I was extremely adamant and very clear that that wasn’t possible nor even an option. I was going to Ellerslie for one reason, and one reason only. And that reason did not include finding Prince Charming and getting an MRS. Degree. In my mind, my time at Ellerslie was wholly dedicated to pursuing my King with a determined gaze only for Him, and none other. The Lord richly blessed the season He brought me into…He satisfied my hunger and deepened it all at once.

One of my favorite quotes that rings true is by Amy Carmichael which says,

 “It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desire which He creates.”

 And in Psalm 145:19a it declares,

“He fulfills the desire of those who fear him.”

I can testify that this rings true.

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